I didn't realize just how much I relied on adrenaline to keep me going. I am far from a deadbeat, but I find that I am not as energetic as I once was. Call it age, blame it on Multiple Sclerosis, maybe it's a combination of the two, but I just can't seem to find my groove.
I have had a very stressful farm job over the past year in which this is not the farm life that I had envisioned that I would be a part of when I signed on. I do love farming but not the daily stress of just-get-the-job-done-asap type farming.
I wanted to be a part of the farm's growth but growth is slow to stagnant at the moment due to many factors, the main reason being their succession plan, or lack of participation by certain family members in a succession plan. I, as an employee, did not want to be a part of the daily "hatred" that exposed itself. I do not want to be a part of that type of family dynamic and I wish them all the best in their future endeavours without me.
Today, I am faced with ideas and opportunities that I look forward to but my body is not ready to face yet. I have a broken finger with a splint, a sore thumb that doesn't seem to be broken but also has a splint, a sprained ankle on one foot, a strained arch in the other foot, and general muscle aches that I wake up to every morning since I quit. I think it is just my body telling me to relax for a little bit. This aches and pains lifestyle is also giving my brain a rest and allowing me to move on to a healthy spirit. When I quit my job, I was so serene. I was almost proud that I had taken that leap and left the farm without spectacle but also that I had finally allowed myself to step away. To what, I had no idea but I was away from the negativity. That in itself was enough to lift my spirit.
Now, I just need to find a way to feed the adrenaline junkie....